40 days and counting...

Hello friends! 

I haven't said much about my life for a while. In fact, there is very little USEFUL information that you can piece together from the few posts I have made recently. As such, I would like to give you a more solid post on how I am doing these days:

To summarize: I am not satisfied in life right now. Some may think I am being ungrateful, but when push comes to shove I am simply unwilling to settle. 

To elaborate: I am presently living and working in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I was brought here to be a content developer and social media specialist for Jian Ghomeshi at CBC Radio Station. That, however, is hardly the job I am doing. Although he may beg to disagree, I promise you that what I am doing here is not worthwhile. I will not go into specifics except to say this: I have a strong desire to wear my S.P.E.W. badge.

I came here with the full intention of making it my life's work. One could argue that I threw all my eggs in this basket. But after only nine weeks I know this journey is meant to be a short one. I am slowly pulling my eggs out. I will be moving back to America in six weeks time... 40 days. Again, I will not go into specifics except to say this: I will count down the days to my return home with as much enthusiasm as Harry Potter counts down the days to his return to Hogwarts.

To elaborate further: A series of choices comprise my life. Sometimes I did not have control over the choices (i.e. they were made by my parents, et cetera) and other times I did. The choice to come to Canada was one I made entirely on my own. I gathered information to make a well-informed decision and I followed my instincts across the border. When I got here at the start of May I was delighted to be out in the world on my own. To be independent. To have graduated from college. To have found someone (Jian) who wanted me on their team.

But I'd be lying if I said it's been a seamless transition. I have been constantly at war with myself, trying to determine whether or not coming to Toronto was the right choice. But I cannot second-guess the decision to come here any longer, seeing as I am already here. All I can hope is that it is the right choice to leave. I have put forth my notice of resignation and will be out of here shortly.

Some would argue that I am throwing away a great opportunity. After all, Jian Ghomeshi is one of Canada's most revered broadcasters (and according to Hello! Magazine, one of Canada's most beautiful people) and any tie to him is a good one! Even if the job is not what I want it to be now, it could blossom into something much more a few years down the road.

But as Jason Mraz sings in Conversation With Myself, "don't believe in anything that is keeping you awake." And I have lost so much time thinking about this whole thing. Great opportunity or not, I no longer feel this is the right fit for me. I am getting out before I spend/waste years (rather than only weeks) of my life on something that is... just not good for me.

I have not yet decided on my next course of action, except that I want to spend a bit of time at home. The separation anxiety I experience from being away from my twin and family is severe and I cannot wait to be reunited with them again. They are the most important entity in my life and I have missed them so.

Any questions? I will happily answer...